150 questions to ask your parents about their life

Most of us assume there will be time. Then one day the person who knew where the family came from, what the old house was like, or how our parents really met is no longer here to ask. The details go with them. This list exists so that does not happen to you.

You do not need to ask all 150 questions, or ask them in order. Pick the ones that spark something, let the answers lead to more, and do not rush. The best conversations wander. A few things worth knowing before you start:

• Ask one question at a time and let silences sit. People remember more when they are not hurried.
• Record it if you can. A phone voice memo is plenty, and it lets you be present rather than scribbling.
• Follow the feeling. When their face changes, ask them to tell you more about that.
• Do it in more than one sitting. An hour at a time is kinder than a marathon.
• There are no wrong answers, and "I do not remember" is a fine one. Move gently on.

Childhood and earliest memories

• What is your earliest memory?
• Where were you born, and what do you know about the day you arrived?
• What was your childhood home like? Can you walk me through it room by room?
• What did your bedroom look like?
• Who did you live with, and what was the household like?
• What did you love to do as a young child?
• What were you afraid of?
• What smells or sounds take you straight back to childhood?
• What was a typical family dinner like?
• Did you have a favourite toy or possession?
• What did you want to be when you grew up?
• What is a memory that always makes you smile?

Family and where you came from

• What were your parents like, as people rather than as parents?
• What did your parents do for a living?
• What do you know about your grandparents?
• How far back can you trace the family?
• Where did the family originally come from?
• Are there any family stories that got told again and again?
• Who were you closest to growing up?
• Did you have brothers or sisters? What was your relationship like?
• Were there any family traditions you loved, or dreaded?
• Is there a relative you wish you had known better?
• What values did your family live by?
• What did your family struggle with?

School and growing up

• What was your first school like?
• Were you a good student? What subjects did you love or hate?
• Who was your favourite teacher, and why?
• What did you get into trouble for?
• Who were your best friends, and what did you do together?
• What did you do after school and at weekends?
• What music, films or books did you love as a teenager?
• What did you worry about as a young person?
• Was there a moment you felt you were growing up?
• What did you dream about doing with your life?
• Did you go on to further study or training? How did you choose?
• What is something about being young then that people today would not understand?

Love and marriage

• Do you remember your first crush or first love?
• How did you meet your partner?
• What did you first notice about them?
• When did you know it was serious?
• How did the proposal happen?
• What was your wedding day like?
• What has been the secret to staying together?
• What was the hardest time you came through as a couple?
• What do you admire most about your partner?
• What did marriage teach you?
• If you could relive one day together, which would it be?
• What would you want people to know about your relationship?

Work and career

• What was your first job, and what did it pay?
• How did you end up in the work you did?
• What did a typical day look like?
• What are you proudest of in your working life?
• Who influenced or mentored you?
• What was the hardest decision you made in your career?
• Did you ever take a big risk at work? How did it turn out?
• What did your work teach you about people?
• Was there a job you wish you had taken, or one you are glad you did not?
• How did you know when it was time to stop?
• What advice would you give someone starting out today?
• What do you miss about working, and what do you not?

Becoming a parent

• How did you feel when you found out you were going to be a parent?
• What do you remember about the day each of your children was born?
• How did having children change you?
• What did you find hardest about being a parent?
• What did you most want to give your children?
• What made you laugh most about us as children?
• What did you worry about that turned out fine?
• What do you think you got right, and what would you do differently?
• What was your proudest moment as a parent?
• What do you hope we remember about our childhood?

Homes, places and everyday life

• What homes have you lived in over the years?
• Which one felt most like home, and why?
• What was your neighbourhood like?
• How has the place you grew up in changed?
• What did a typical Sunday look like?
• What did things cost, and how did people manage?
• What everyday things have completely disappeared since you were young?
• What was your favourite meal, and who cooked it?
• Where did you go on holiday, and what do you remember?
• Is there a place you always meant to return to?

The world you lived through

• What historic events do you remember living through?
• Where were you when you heard the news that shaped your generation?
• How did the wider world affect your family?
• What inventions changed your daily life the most?
• What did people believe then that they do not now?
• What do you miss about how the world used to be?
• What has changed for the better?
• What do you make of the world your grandchildren are growing up in?

Hard times and resilience

• What is the hardest thing you have ever been through?
• Who helped you through your worst times?
• Have you ever lost someone close to you? What do you remember of them?
• What did difficult times teach you?
• Was there a moment everything could have gone differently?
• What kept you going when things were bleak?
• Is there something you have forgiven, or hope to be forgiven for?
• What are you most grateful you came through?

Beliefs, values and lessons

• What do you believe in?
• How have your beliefs changed over your life?
• What matters most to you now?
• What is the best advice you were ever given?
• What is a lesson you had to learn the hard way?
• What do you think makes a good life?
• What are you most proud of?
• What do you wish you had worried about less?
• What does happiness mean to you?
• What would you tell your younger self?

Looking back, and looking ahead

• What have been the happiest moments of your life?
• Is there anything you regret?
• What are you most thankful for?
• What do you hope your family remembers about you?
• What traditions do you hope carry on?
• Is there something you have never told us that you would like to?
• What do you still want to do?
• How would you like your story to be told?
• What does family mean to you?
• If you could leave us with one piece of wisdom, what would it be?

However you use this list, the important thing is to start. The answers are worth more than any of us realise until we can no longer get them.

Frequently asked questions

What are the best questions to ask an elderly parent about their life?

Start with childhood and family, covering earliest memories, the home they grew up in, and their parents and grandparents, then move through school, love, work and the lessons they have learned. Open questions such as "what was that like?" draw out far more than yes or no questions. The full list above is organised by theme so you can pick whatever feels right.

How do I turn my parent’s answers into a book?

You can transcribe and edit the recordings yourself, or let Chapternity do it. With Chapternity your parent answers questions like these in a conversation with Sage, and it writes their answers into a properly structured book with their photographs throughout, which you read before you pay.

Can I download or print these questions?

Yes. You can download the full list as a printable PDF from this page, and it is free to read, print or save. Many people bring a few chosen questions to a visit and let the conversation unfold from there.

Explore more guides or read about life storys.