Ask most couples how they met and you will get the short version, polished by decades of retelling. The interesting parts sit just behind it: what they actually thought of each other, what nearly did not happen, what the hard years were really like. These questions are designed to get past the anecdote.
They work whether you are interviewing your parents for an anniversary, gathering material for a wedding speech, or sitting down with your own partner to put your story on paper. Ask them together if they get on well enough to interrupt each other, which is usually where the best material comes from.
Before you met
- What was your life like just before you met?
- What were you looking for, if anything?
- Had you been in love before?
- What did you imagine your future looked like then?
The meeting
- Where and when did you first meet?
- What is the first thing you noticed about each other?
- What did you actually think of them that first time? Be honest.
- Who made the first move, and how?
- Was there anything that nearly stopped you meeting at all?
- What did you tell your friends afterwards?
The early days
- What was your first date, and how did it go?
- When did you know it was serious?
- What did your families make of each other?
- What did you do together in those early days?
- Was there a moment you nearly walked away?
- What song, place or meal belongs to that time?
Committing
- How did the proposal happen, and was it a surprise?
- What do you remember most about the wedding day?
- What went wrong on the day that you laugh about now?
- What did you promise each other, in your own words?
- Where did you go afterwards, and what do you remember?
The life you built
- What was your first home together like?
- How did you divide things up, and did that ever cause rows?
- What was the hardest year, and how did you get through it?
- What changed when the children arrived?
- What have you disagreed about for decades and never resolved?
- What is the kindest thing they have ever done for you?
Looking back
- What do you admire most about them?
- What have you learned about love that you did not know at the start?
- What would you tell a couple just starting out?
- If you could relive one ordinary day together, which would it be?
- What do you hope people remember about the two of you?
If you are gathering this for an anniversary, record it. The way they interrupt and correct each other is usually the best part, and it is impossible to reconstruct from notes.
Frequently asked questions
- What should I ask my grandparents about how they met?
- Start with the practical details of the meeting, then move to what they actually thought of each other, what nearly stopped it happening, and what the early days were like. Asking them together often works best, because they correct each other and the real story emerges.
- How can I turn this into an anniversary gift?
- Record the conversation and have it written up as a love story book. With Chapternity, one or both of them talk to Sage and it becomes a written narrative of the relationship with their photographs throughout, which makes a strong golden or ruby anniversary gift.
Explore more guides or read about love storys.